July 4th, Independence Day….the memories growing up. The parades and picnics. Sunshine and heat. But that didn’t matter, we were kids, we didn’t get hot. I remember waiting with the kids in the neighborhood for dark, the older boys lighting off small fire crackers, laughing. My favorite was the *sparklers*. I would write my name and spin in circles over and over again till dizzy. Then the Fireworks would start, quiet fills the air, except for the simultaneous “ ooohs and awwwwees”. I loved the way you could feel the fireworks going off, my heart shaking at times. Sound familiar? Well, this year I have a whole new perspective. I cherish those memories, wanting to reach back and grab the innocence….

“Home of the Free because of the Brave”

I got to spend this Independence Day weekend with 2 of those Brave….

We weren’t prepared and being caught off guard can be devastating for those suffering from PTSD.  ESPECIALLY when that consists of trigger sounds that can pull you back….

We walked outside to let the dogs go ‘potty’ and stopped dead in our tracks. The back of the Barracks was full of cars, people, chairs, blankets…..I looked immediately at the guys. Eyes wide as they quickly turned around to head back in. Improvise Adapt Overcome. With the Veterans both in their rooms grabbing more meds, I grabbed drinks and snacks and headed to the middle room of the warehouse. Calling all the dogs in, I turned on  the TV, blaring Family Guy as loud as we could. We barricaded ourselves, preparing for the next battle. This may sound  kind of funny, but I can assure you the next hour was no joke….

The volume couldn’t cover up the rumbling on the floor. The fireworks were literally being set off less than .25mile away. It felt like it was right in the warehouse, the after-shock crackling the volume on the TV. Shit, I remember saying out loud (not that they heard me).  The couch I was on still shaking, then I realize it was because the Veterans legs and body was shaking. Fiona jumped on him, putting herself directly over his legs. They didn’t stop shaking for 30 minutes but Fiona didn’t move, her head resting on his knees (or trying to). Honor who was already laying between me and him on the couch, snuggled closer and closer to him until her nose was pressed so hard against his legs, I was worried she might suffocate! These dogs were doing their job! I glanced on the bed to see our other Veteran laying down with his dog next to him longwise. From afar, it might look like they were spooning, but I believe it was more of a ‘strangle hold’. One that his dog did not mind! They stayed that way, not moving for more than 30 minutes. I was extremely impressed. Ummmm, where was my therapy dog? Cause by now I needed one too. I realized I was holding my breath. Each new ’round’ seemed louder and longer. As a kid it seemed to go by so fast but now I was praying for this to stop. My hands were clammy, the energy in the room was high, and despite the air conditioning the Veterans were sweating profusely. Finally the 2nd Grand Finale was over! Hallelujah!!!! I let out my breath. For me it was over…….for them……their nightmares and sleepless night was just beginning.

The traditions of this Holiday will go on. The memories of my innocence I still cherish. I do still look forward to watching Fireworks with my grandchildren (one day way in the future) But I will never be able to erase the reality that the these ‘Bombs bursting in air‘ represents……