I wanted to do something, I needed to do something, to honor Ben and all Veterans. So I picked up our Stiggy’s Dog in training Bella, and we went for a drive to Great Lakes National Cemetery in Holly Michigan.  I was going for their annual ceremony, but also because I have not been to visit Ben’s headstone.  I thought this would be a great socialization exercise for Bella, but deep down, I knew having her there was more for my benefit.

The drive started out in dense fog. It seemed fitting and matched my mood. I could feel the heavy air inside of me. Bella paced a few in the back seat, sensing my emotions I am sure.  The hour drive went by fast, with me deep in thought. No radio, no sweet talking to Bella, just silence.  I would turn form time to time, or look in my review mirror, and every time Bella’s orange sparkling eyes were staring back at me.

The sun seemed to burst through the clouds shortly before  we arrived. I inhaled a deep breath as I turned into the cemetery. My eyes burned from the combination of my tears that were forming and the sunshine directly on me.  The pit in my stomach turned into a lump in my throat as the old Veteran waved me in. Bella’s face was smashed right against me and the door. I smiled at her welcome distraction.

This was my first time in a Military Cemetery. The isles of exactly the same size white tombstones, lined perfectly in formation was startling.  But more impressive were the many people, of all ages and generations scattered about to pay their respects. Each has a story to tell, I am sure.

I was again glad that I had Bella, my attention needed to be  focused on her. After a long car ride (and my range of emotions), Bella needed a fast walk around . Which somehow, ironically lead us right to Ben’s Headstone.  My knees started to shake, and Bella slowed her pace to match mine.  We sat down on the wet grass, Bella and I together, resting against the cold stone.

I cry at movies when I see someone grieving, looking at a headstone of their loved one. I have empathy for their pain and loss. But when I looked at Ben’s name…..it was……. unsettling (for lack of a better word).  It all seems so surreal until you stare at something so black and white, cold, and edged in stone forever.  The tears I have been holding back now felt good to let go. I hung my head down, closed my eyes and gave into the release. Just then Bella start to crawl………she  army crawled right up to me, looking soulfully in my eyes the whole way. The moment was so enduring  that a half sob/ half laugh erupted from me. Which Bella took as an ‘Ok’ for her to turn upside down and have me rub her belly!

After the rub down, we were both ready to join the ceremony. I chose a quiet spot away from the crowd to sit. Thoughts were rapidly flying around my head. I did not want to talk to anyone, I was just taking it all in. A Beautiful little girl kept looking over and smiling at Bella. She yanked at her mom’s sleeve and pointed to us. I smiled and waved her over.  She was there with her mom taking her grandmother to visit her great grandfather, she explained as she petted Bella from head to toe.

That’s when it hit me, the significance of today. Here we were, all different people, different ages, races and backgrounds. Different religious beliefs, Republican or Democrat, it did not matter. We were there as AMERICANS. We were all standing together, honoring our Veterans and our Country.  At that moment, pride outweighed my grief…..